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untitled. #63

4 Jun
today i just realized
that you can’t actually touch the sky,
that it is at least one part illusion.
and i want my heart back.
i want to separate myself,
detach.
unknot.
unfriend.
unlove.
i want my heart back.
it’s just air.
and what is that?
i want my heart back.
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love, in the key of “human”

15 May

the moon and venus dance.

the moon
slowly sprinting – still
on his knees.

and venus,
stretching
but safe – still
sitting close to the sun.

it is gravity who remembers
the human has a heart
that beats
love, sometimes
almost to death,
almost to pain
tolerated,
endured, anticipated.
eager, erratic temperatures,
that scare seeds into silence
afraid of their own words,
of feeling.
the sort of evils that strangle
wings.

everyday, more,
flight defies her.

the moon abandons
his gravity,
venus leaves
her feet.
they smile spinning
into their crashes,
eyes touch familiar faces
mouths meet trusted tastes of fresh breaths
welcomed
from a past life’s prayer.

their stars acknowledge them –
and know.

they are not of the universe
the universe is of them.

on love. and the walls that fear it.

19 Nov

there aren’t air bubbles in concrete,
but i can sho nuff stuff love in between my walls –
couture, made to fit.
shit.
i got walls tall enough for clouds to stand on,
strong enough to hold all of my dead weight.
and they really do hold
all
of my
dead weight.
but they remember i’m living,
at least
just enough
so i can pretend
i’m living.
these damn walls,
like saran wrap for my dreams.
like my down coat with the fur around the hood,
it ain’t the prettiest
but i never get wet.  

i swear i love this man.  god knows i love this man.  my heart understands, but she thinks she is smarter than god.  she thinks she can control it, manage it.  but it is bigger than her entire life, than all the air she will ever breathe.  she don’t know what love is.  cause, damn.  if she knew…

if she knew that love could make her clean, and make her whole, and all her ugly and all her pretty and all her crazy and all her poetry and her intellectual dances, everything she knows, and everything she wish she did, it’s all the same to him – if she knew what love was, more than what she felt, more than what she saw, well then… i suppose she wouldn’t cry so much about loneliness that never existed.  and distance.

if she could see what love knows, and what faith trusts… well then.  i believe she would probably float.  or whatever non-heavy things do.

if she could see what love sees, she would know god.  and life would be different, all of it.

love colors your eyes so that even when it rains, the sun is always standing next to you, holding your hand.  probably dancing, if that’s what you’re into.  and you really get lucky if love makes you laugh.  and you are truly blessed if he can move your spirit with his smile, and you let him.

i sat up in my bed, and thought to call him.  but instead, i let myself meditate on my mountaintop, so that when i came down, i could take him with me.

 

sneak peak of the book…

29 Jan
we have learned what it means to love without ownership.  to commit to another person, and not to a relationship.  to resist norms for the sake of ourselves.  we have learned that in a relationship, the most important part is relating.  communicating honestly.  being open-minded, and considering each other’s very different, sometimes contentious, perspectives.  relating prioritizes the person over the relationship, rejecting the idea that exclusivity has a universal definition that cannot be shaped to fit.  and for over a year, we have been trying it on.time has taught us that traditional structures make things easier.  fences that mark clearly defined boundaries facilitate the establishment of trust.  security.  fences make homes feel safe.

but fences are not always honest.

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